Why "Nice" should not be a four-letter word

I’m honoured, excited and proud to have as my guest today, Katy Sozaeva, my editor, who has put me right on many things. Her post is so true. I couldn’t agree more.

Why “Nice” should not be a four-letter word. Over the past year I have watched with distress and dismay as the world of book-lovers has fragmented into squabbling factions. It started out as readers vs. authors, and then non-blogger reviewers vs. authors and bloggers and then... If you have watched this mess, you have seen how things deteriorated. And I did some research into the origins of the “Authors Behaving Badly” witch hunt. Yes, I’m going there. And it is a witch hunt. Most of the things that authors are being blamed for are exaggerated, in the cases when they did happen. In some cases the authors are being blamed for the actions of others. In other cases, authors are being attacked over outright lies. In a very, very few cases, there was authentic bad behavior. But you know what? Authors are people, too. Just like you and me! Of course they have bad days. Of course they occasionally put their foot into their mouths. Should we therefore hunt them down, try to destroy their livelihood? My answer to that is an emphatic NO. This is what we should do. This is what I, myself, have done on many occasions. If we can, we should contact the author, privately, and gently point out that maybe they should reconsider whatever action they have done. Perhaps that was sending out unsolicited book recommendations on Goodreads or some other book site. Perhaps that was making a statement that could be considered rude. Perhaps it was nothing at all, really: an out-of-context comment somewhere. And then drop it. What we should not be doing is calling upon our legions to go forth and descend upon said author in a frenzy of anger and vengeance. How many authors have I seen run off Goodreads this last year? Too many, especially considering Goodreads is kept running by the advertising revenue provided by those same authors. How many people have I heard about being attacked on the Amazon fora for nothing other than asking a question? It’s just wrong on so many levels. Despite those who poo-poo the designation, in many cases the results have been nothing more or less than full-out cyber-bullying as these people descend upon the authors or bloggers wherever they can be found to attack them. At the base of this problem is a simple one, I think. The advent of the Internet has made interactions with other people too impersonal, so it has become easy to forget that there is a living, breathing, feeling person on the other side of that blank screen in front of you. Before you start typing your angry call to arms, stop, think, consider. Would you want someone to attack you for the same reason? Or would you want someone to privately approach you and suggest maybe you back off? Would you want an angry mob to descend upon you in fiery vengeance, or a single person? Would you want to be treated like you’re about to treat that other person? Sadly, the people who most need to see this and understand it are the least likely to do so. If they do see it, they will likely do what they usually do: point fingers back at me and claim I’m the problem, and people like me. Claim that by being “nice” I’m somehow dishonest, somehow less than they are. Claim that they’re perfectly within their rights to do and say whatever they want. And you know what? They’re right. They do have the right to do and say whatever they want. But... they also have the responsibility to behave in a mature manner, and I’m just not seeing that among the faceless masses out there. So, let’s all step back from this morass, take a breath, and then consider this. Let’s all make a resolution this year to be kinder people. To treat other people better. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be honest with people, but do it with tact, with grace, and with kindness. Remember to treat other people like you would want to be treated yourself. Don’t worry about reciprocation. Don’t worry about how other people treat you. If others try to get at you, try to make you angry, step away from the situation. Just... walk away. Let them say whatever they want—if you aren’t there, you won’t know about it, and won’t that make you happier? And in the meantime, change the way you interact with people in a positive way. Treat other people better. Stay away from people who behave in negative ways, and who treat people badly. Surround yourself with positive people, with kind people. No, it’s not a perfect solution—there is no perfect solution. But it is a beginning. Help other people to be better people by providing an example, and watch it spread like ripples in a pond. Let’s make this a real new year, and do our best to be better people. Remember the Golden Rule, the Witches’ Rede, whatever form of the saying you prefer—it all amounts to the same thing—and remember that the way you behave affects those around you, positively and negatively, and do your best to set a positive example by treating other people better. All my best to you and yours.

Katy Sozaeva Athens, GA, USA Now is Here blog, reviewer and freelance editor Katy Sozaeva Athens, GA, USA Now is Here blog, reviewer and freelance editor http://katysozaeva.blogspot.com/2013/01/tell-me-something-tuesday.html)